Konu: Toefl Writing lerinizi Değerlendiriyoruz...

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After graduating from highschool, it was very important for me to continue my education at Bogazici university, which is the best and most well known university in Turkey. I studied very hard to get acceptanceed from at Bogazici university and finally, i succeded. I have experienced many advantages of attending university . Consequently, i believe it is imperative that a person having gets a university education. Of the numerous significant advantages of that, perhaps the most crucial are getting a highly qualified education , finding a job easily and earning more money.

The first important benefit of attending university, is getting highly qualified education inasmuchas in todays world it is essential that people have a good academic background in order to represent themselves in the best way they can in society. Having a strong academical background increase a person’s self-confidence. Infact, i I read about an artical in Capital, which is one of the most serious business magazines in Turkey, which states that self confidence degree’s of the people (didn't understand what you were trying to say here), who graduated from university, are twice two times higher than those who didn’t attend the university.

Not only is getting high qualifies education ,but also , finding job easily is another crucial advantage due to the fact today a university degree is more than just a need is actually a must. Having university degree is a major issue to find a job easily. For instance , my brother who is studying law at Odtü which is another best university in Turkey, and will graduate at june this year , has already got a few job offer from multinational companies. If you have a strong academic background, you dont need to find a job , actually job finds you.

Finally, attending university is also important for earning more money. Companies want to work with well educated young people who have knowledge and talent, so they are paying more to the university graduated people due to the fact they give them more importantance and more respect. For example lots of companies in Turkey paying extra premium to the employeers who can speak foreign languages or have knowledge about spesific issues. University education offers people a brillant future .

In conclusion , after highlighting the advantages of attending university , including getting high qualified education, finding job easily and earning more money it is obvious that graduation of a university is the best choice. Indeed, provided that people can take full advantage of the benefits of attending university, they can maximise their potential as successful individuals.

FEEDBACK
A well presented and structured essay; well done. The only problem, as you can see, is all the small grammar mistakes (as illustrated in the first supporting paragraph). However, that being said, the mistakes that you have made are minor, in the sense that they do not detract from what you are trying to say. I could see this essay getting at least 4 points in the real exam.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?students should be required to study arts and music ın secondary school.use specific reasons to support your ıdeas.

People try to improve themselves during their whole life and seek for personal satisfaction. Studying music and art is an are important areas that people need to spend times on in order to be satisfied. In my opinion students should be required to study arts and music in secondary school because of several reasons such as better not being able to study in early ages them at a younger age, better for your future life and better to gather more intellectual social network throughout your life.

The first reason as to why I believe that students should be required to study arts and music in secondary school is that because it is better to study them in early ages some people are unable to study them when they are younger due to financial problems (this fits a little better as it directly answers the question being asked. However, this new sentence makes the following unnecessary). So many students might not be able to get chance to study these kind of activities at early ages before secondary school because of financial requirements. Therefore, at least in secondary school they should have chance for that and it should be mandatory for every students. For example, in my case we had a guitar lessons in secondary school and now I have been playing guitar almost for fifteen years (kind a master in that area).

The second reason as to why I believe students should be required to study art and music is that it is better for their future life. after school-life, in routine of business life everybody needs to do something other than daily jobs. In this point of view, It gets important having interests that feel you better and activities to be relaxed. For instance friend of mine go to the gallery of him everyday after his daily business in order to quit stress and negative feelings.

The third reason as to why I believe that students should be required to study arts and music in secondary school is that social network will be more entellectual during his whole life. after secondary school if students continue to study them, probably they will meet with people whose interests are common. In addition it will be easy for them to be more social with them. Galleries , concerts or other meetings that they are attended provide them that social environment.

Finally it is better for students to study art and music in secondary school in order to learn it in early ages, be better for their future life and provide them more intellecual social environment.

FEEDBACK
A very good first attempt. You had a few problems in your first supporting paragraph with explaining your idea clearly (especially, with the transitionary sentence). However, your other supporting paragraphs were fine with the exception of grammar mistakes. A quick pointer, though; I think you would have a much stronger essay if you had focused on two supporting paragraphs rather than three and focused on improving and exeplifying the examples that you had given. Point: 3+

People born, live and die and during this life period they pass through diverse kind of stages. Every stage of life has unique hapiness however, i am the one that agree with the idea that childhood is the happiest time of a person's life because of several reasons such as during the childhood people feel no responsibility to anythhing, they feel secure and the relations in that time of period are pure.

The first reason as to why i believe that childhood is the happiest time of a person's life is that people feel no responsibility to anything. During our life time, in business life, in family life or when we get old the prevailing factor that affects us negatively is responsibility. However, childhood is the only time of period that we feel otherwise. If we need to give an explanatory example to this point of view, while i am a child, i spent all my day just think about plays and games and nothing more but now it is impossible to live in that way.

The second reason as to why i believe that childhood is the happiest time of a person's life is that during that time of period people feel secure. Family try to think everything for you and yo do not need to care about security of yourself and this feeling that gives you a relief. In this point all you need to do is focusing your extraordinary imaginary world. For instances, i am sure it is a common feeling that you try to do whatever you want while you are a child because you know that if something is getting worse you are sure that your family will save you from that situation.

And the third reason as to why i believe that childhood is a happiest time of a person's life is the ralations that you are involved are absoultly pure. Because of pure feelings that you and people that you meet have, relations are not like the ones in your future. I know a lot of people, and i am the one of them, who still meet with friends from early ages of him or her childhood. For example, my homemate and me have being friends nearly 20 years and i am just at 25.

In a conclusion, think about you and imagine that there is a place that you have no responsibilities, no need to think about security of yourself and everybody including you feels positively and purely; it is your childhood.

FEEDBACK
This is a much better attempt. The grammatical mistakes you have made a fewer than those in your first essay and the overall use of structures and organization is much better. If you write such an essay in the real exam you could expect to get a score of 3.5-4 points. (I would still wourk on extending your examples though)

• TOPİC: Many students choose to attend schools or universities outside their home countries. Why do some students study abroad? Use specific reasons and details to explain your answer


• There is no doubt that education is the most important thing in today's world. Some students go abroad to continue their education there. Going abroad has big advantages for students and , in my opinion , it is the best thing to improve education quality , get real life experience and make real friends .

• To start with, although almost all universities have good quality , some of them are better than others. Some undergraduates choose studying abroad because they want to get into universities that are better than their local universities. According to me , I live in Turkey but I want to attend a college in the USA because the best universities are located there. As a result, studying abroad is important for students because there are better schools that they can attend out of their homeland.


• In addition to this, one of the main qualifications that employers want to see in curricular vitaes is life experience. So, in order to get real life experience, students should be far away from their family. Roughly , when I go to the USA , I might have problems that I should cope with by myself ,and the experiences that I gain throughout this overcoming process , will give me a chance to be better than my opponents.


• Moreover, when people have no relatives near them , they tend to confide people at times more than they used to . For instance, if I couldn't find a friend or a person to talk , I would always try to find someone that I can trust and I can confide. Furthermore, studying abroad is very important for undergraduates because they will be alone and this situation leads them to make real friends .

• All in all , students attend schools or universities outside their home countries because they are interested in their education and going abroad is the best way to have unique educational experience

FEEDBACK
I do actually remember marking this essay a couple of Saturdays ago; I can only assume I hadn't saved it or something. Nevertheless, I apologise for any inconvenience. This essay is much better grammatically than your previous essays. I can see that you have taken extra care whilst writing; that along with your good organisation, has led to an essay which is clearer and more precise. On a negative note, though, your supporting paragraphs are still lacking good, strong examples, which as I have said before are a very important part of your essay. A basic rule to remember is: 1 reason = 1 example. Overall a good essay and it is easily worth 3 points+

teacher why did not you make comments about my essay:((

Not everything that is learned contained in books. Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. Which source is more important ? Why?

When I was studying at Bogazici University , which is a very popular university with its high quality education system and well known professors in Turkey, I had a part time job at a private bank. My strong academic knowledge was of course help me alot in worklife but the knowledge that I gained from my parttime job made more then that. I had experience many advantages of having a part time job. Consequently I believe it is imperative to gain knowledge from experiences. Of the numerous advantages of that perhaps the crucial are learning fast , receiving complete knowledge , having responsibility.

The first advantage of having knowledge through experiences is learning fast inasmuchas people use all of the abilities they have inorder to learn a new thing through experiences. Learn to cook or example, it is a thing that you learn fast when you are really trying to cook something. It seems too difficult when you read a repice in a cook book however it becomes easy when you start to do something by your own. People use their eyes, ears and noise which help to learn fast.

Not only learning fast is a major benefit but also receivi ng complete knowledge is another important point due to in business life managers expect from people not only knowing the necesarry knowledge but also using this knowledge in challenging tasks. Information which learn from books are the small side of true knowledge, people should complete this knowldege it terms of using this in pratically in real tasks. Having a driving license for example, it doesn’t actually show that you can drive a car , it shows only that you have necessary information but is it the same thing with driving a car i don’t think so. You should bring this knowledge in action, which calls experience.

Indeed a recent academic study I have recently read in Capital which is an academic magazine in Turkey, states that people do not lose the knowledge which gain from experience. This idea supports that the people who ride a bike in their childhood, never forget to ride a bike, however a knowledge which gain from a book can easy dissapear in mind.

In addition to learning fast and receiving complete knowledge having reponsibility is another important point or learning things from experience. Most of the bad things seem unreal when you read them from books however when you face the same situation in your real life you should take all the reponsibilities and do your best.

In conclusion ater highligting the advantages of getting knowledge from experiences I think it isobvious that learning by living is very important for people. Actually it is crucial that people utilise these benefits otherwise they may not develop in to successful and well adjusted individuals.

FEEDBACK
It is nice to see you use a structure which is familiar to you Yazgid; however, this essay has a lot more mistakes (when compared to your first one) and that has immediately brought your points down. Some of the mistakes you have made are related to your use of the basic structures that you incorporate into your writing. A good example is at the begining of the second paragraph "Not only learning fast is...", which should actually read " Not only is learning fast..." When you make mistakes with such underlying structures, it becomes obvious that you have tried to memorize long structures and the raters really don't like this. The advantage of using such structures, however, is that they are easier to check for mistakes. You need to ensure that you spend at least 3-5minutes checking for these mistakes. Because of the number of mistakes present in this essay, I don't really think you would get any more than3-3.5points

Good teacher give challenging tasks to the students ?

When i was studying at Kabatas High school, which is a well known difficult highschool in İstanbul, i had a excellent math teacher who always gave us challenging tasks. He always tried to improve students knowledge and encourage them for the challenging tasks. I have experienced many benefits of having challenging task as a student. Consequently i think it is obvious that good teachers give challenging tasks to their students. They have the responsibilities of increasing students knowledge , increasing selfconfidence and preparing them for the real life.

A good teacher always wants to increase their students as much as its possible, for example my math teacher has always give us hard projects and challenging questions inasmuchas this tasks help us a lot in and increase our knowledge. We can easly handle with easy question unless we can solve the problems that he give us.

Another mission that a good teacher has is incresing selfconfidence with challenging tasks they try to make their students better than the other students. The students know that they are better than other students inasmuchas they are dealing with challenging tasks inorder to ordinary tasks and and this increase their selfconfidence.

Preparing the students for the real life is another mission of a good teacher and its also connected with the challenging tasks. Istanbul Technical University for example, which is known with its strong engineering department that attracks students allover the country, has highly qualified professors from all over the world and they all have one common point which is giving challenging tasks to the students. With these tasks students are being prepared for the real life tasks as an engineer. They can find easly high paying jobs, inasmuchas companies are also notice that the students who have challenging tasks in school , are easly adapted to the business and can handle all the challenging situations.

In conclusion, after highlighting the advantages of having challenging tasks , including increasing knowledge, increasing self confidence and preparing students for the life it is obvious that good teachers give challenging tasks to the students.

FEEDBACK
Stop right there! It has become apparent that you have left a structure that you are comfortable with for an unknown structure that you are unfamiliar with; really not a good idea just before your exams! You seem to have lost focus slightly and looking at the quality of this essay (even in comparison to your last), You don't seem to be putting in the same effort either. I want to see you return to the previous structure and we will work on improving that. Finally, please do not use "Cambridge based essay questions" I am sure that you did this one on the TOEFL course that you attended, anyway average 3 points.

Do you agree or disagree with following statement?Smoking should not be permitted in restaurants , and state laws that prohibit it should be upheld. Used specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Tobocco has been being used since it was found out by explorers.At first, it was so enjoyable to smoke that no one paid attention to its harms. However, besides being harmful, it has effects on nonsmokers more adversely than smokers. Personally, I think that it should not be permitted to smoke in public places for several reasons which are no one has rights to poison others, it might annoy some people and it could be bad sample for children.

To start with, as I said before cigarette does not poison those who smoke as much as non-smokers. For example, I have been attending all my father's business meetings for 12 years and under no circumstances would I like to smoke. However, once I went to hospital to have check-up done, my doctor said to me that I had more smoke in my lungs than my father. Aftermath, he started to explain us the reasons of this bothering situation but it is obvious fact that I have already known it that being in meetings which include so many smokers, made it to me.Therefore, no one has rights to poison others


The second reason as to why I believe that smoking might annoy others is because it smells horrible and people know its harms. For instance, I realised that my friends started being more annoyed after they had heard my doctor experience. The times I met up with them, it was so easy to notice that they treat aggressively to people those who smoke since they already knew that smoking would poison them.

Moreover, children represent people's behaviors eagerly.Nonetheless, under no circumstances are today's families want to see their children while they are poisoning themselves. For instance, my brother is kind of individual who likes showing off and acting like adults. Hanging out places where smoking is allowed , he started to smoke. As a result, my parents realised the situation and forbade him to go these places again.


Consequently, the examples which I gave above are progressing in public places and there is no doubt that restaurants are the most running places today. Therefore, in order to avoid this kind of occurents government should ban smoking in restaurants.

FEEDBACK

Again, you need to be very careful of the mistakes that you are making as there are too many present to actually bring you up to 4 points at the moment. In terms of organization, however, this is a much stronger essay than the ones you have written before. Keep up the hard work and be careful of your grammar and you should be hitting those 4's in no time:) This essay as it stands is 3 points.

Thanks all for establishing such a great website and the support you provide. I feel ashamed because Turkey is the one of the most unsuccesful countries in the TOEFL exams, but, in time, with such great people like yourselves, we will probably change this. One little question from me is;

What about the essay format? Ok, most of us know to leave a space after a point or a comma, but, what about the other format rules that affect our points in TOEFL writing exams? I personally think these rules have a good importance in the scoring, but, I am not able to find any of them on the web.

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Sen Turkmusun ?

yok ondan degil burdaki cogu kimse zaten toefl a calısyor aynen bu senın yazdıgnı yazarlar ondan suphen olmasın ne soru soracaksan TURKCE sor .