Another essay from me. Thanks(I hope, I am correcting my mistakes.)

TOPIC: distance learning and online computer classes should replace classroom learning, agree or disagree?

In today's world, technology provide us a lot of possibility and by using it we can make our life easier. If we are discussing whether distance learning and online computer classes should replace classroom learning, distance learning and online computer should do it for following reasons.

First of all,online computer classes can provide uus a lot of educational advantages. I think most the students don't understand some topics in the lectures and they don't ask any question to their teachers about the point not clear. However, by using online computer classes, lectures can be recorded as a video and watched again after the lecture. Moreover, lecture can be more convenient about timing for students. For example, illness cannot be a reason of missing lectures. Also school times cannot prevent the social activities of the students, thus, it can be beneficial for their social life.

Secondly, distance learning and online classes may provide some economic advantages. A lot of money is spent to struct school buildings and other neccesities of schools. By using the technology, education can be made without any building and existing school buildings can be used for other aims. In addition government mustn't employ so many teachers. One teacher can teach a lecture to all students and also this can satisfy a better quality in education. Because, for instance, my teacher was not as good as the teachers of my friends in primary school. The best quality and equalance can be satisfied with this technology.

To sum up, somebody may claim that classroom learning is better but, the advantages of the distance learning and online classes show us the reality,so it must be applied in every country.

Well to begin with, I think we should focus on your examples. As I have said before an example should be just as strong as the reason given (if not stronger). Keep your reasons brief and straight to the point and stretch out any example that you give. Also, the examples that you have given don't seem to directly support the argument that you have put forward. If I were to take your examples out and give them to someone else to read they would find it very difficult to understand as to what the question was. The following is an example:

"Whilst I was at school, for example, I was unable to attend some of my professors lectures due to illness and because of this I failed a number of exams. If I had attended an on-line course, however, I would have been able to make these lectures up at another time and I would have passed all my exams"

I wouldn't have chosen "illness" as an example,however, because it really doesn't support the reason you gave "being able to chose when you can study". When reading your supporting paragraphs I can see that you have many good ideas. However, you really need to focus on one point at a time. If we look at your first supporting paragraph again, we can see that you have in fact two main reasons that could have been divided up into two separate supporting paragraphs:
1) Being able to go back to lectures that you didnt understand.
2) Enabling students to choose when they can study.

We also have the same problem in your second supporting paragraph:
1) Money doesn't have to be spent on expensive schools/buildings.
2) Don't have to employ so many teachers.

Reviewing the reasons that you have given, I would have decided on three of them and written a 3 supporting paragraph essay. This as you can see is all decided in the planning part of the essay writing process. So the basic plan of your essay would look like this:

Supporting paragraph 1- Being able to go back to lectures that you didn't understand + example

Supporting paragraph 2- Enabling students to choose when they can study + example

Supporting paragraph 3- Money doesn't have to be spent on building expensive schools+ example


Now, all we have to write is the supporting paragraphs. The following is an example template that you could use with essays questions like this:

"The first reason as to why I believe that both on-line and distance learning should replace traditional classroom learning is because it gives the students the opportunity to go back to lectures that they didn't understand or missed out on. My friend, Mustafa, for example, went to a TOEFL preparation course last year and because the lectures were in English (his mother tongue is Turkish), he found that he didn't really understand everything that the teacher said. Unfortunately, he failed his exam shortly after. However, a month later, he found an on-line TOEFL preparation course and because he could go back and replay the lectures again and again, if he didn't understand a point, he was more successful second time round".

Can you see as to how I have really stretched out that example? That is basically what you should be aiming for. Don't forget that in Turkish "YAZMAK" has a number of meanings 1) to write something such as an essay and 2) to make something up such as a story or example:) Before you send your next essay, I really want you to plan your response and think about the examples that you give. Overall, your essay is really beginning to take shape and it wont be long before you start to produce a stronger essay. Score 3 points. Keep up the hard work.

Good writing:)

This essay was marked and commented on courtesy of Just English Language Schools.