topic:Some people believe that mother should not work. Others argue against this. Consider the problems that a working mother faces. Do you believe mothers should work?
Although we have always wanted to be taken care of by our mothers, rapidly changing financal conditions forces today's woman to get their place at work place.However,as well as there are being several problems with it this, it also has various benefits which has convinced me that mothers should work.We can divide this these benefits into three different reasons. Which are, having economic freedom, being able to pay school fees and being a model for her children.
First, having economic freedom is very important in today's world because when both mother and father side earning money , mother don't have ask money from his husband and this makes her more powerful in view of her children.For example, according to my own life, thanks to my mother, I don't have to ask for money from my father and be able to give by herself as she gives it to me herself ,I never ask money from our father. By means of this And because of this, I also never ask permission from our father and in my belief opinion this makes my mother more powerful in our family life.
Second,why I chose being able to pay school fees is because when father side lose his job , mother would able to pay school fees and children didn't be aware of father's unemployment This sentence lacks meaning and is too difficult to understand.For example, when the last economic crisis occured, my father nearly become bankrupted. By dint of our mother's facility of paying our school fees This sentence too has a lack of meaning, giving us a pocketmoney and controling income, we didn't hear about it until my father got his problems under the control his problems and if my mother had't worked in at that time, it would have shocked us and affected our school performance.
Third, if the mother can be a model for her children, it means that her children on correct way.For example when we heard all this crisis occurents, our mother became hero for us and we have changed saucy behaviors immediatly.Thus, we have started trying our best in the school. Therefore our success increased suddenly.
Consequently, today's women has a very big role in a family's financal life.There are two different options for them and each women able to choose one of them.In order to make correct decision they have to consider their financal situation but in my belief, whatever they want to choose, mothers should work for their families happiness.
FEEDBACK: The overall organization of this essay is fine and you have used some nice examples to illustrate your points. However, as you can see, your essay is riddled with grammatical mistakes; so much so that in places it was really difficult to understand. It is for this reason your essay is worth 2-3 points at the most. Remember that the last 5 minutes of your writing time should be spent on checking and correcting such mistakes. It really does make a difference!
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