Your English is fine:) You need to remember that everything in the TOEFL exam comes down to good time keeping. As I said, your aim should be to write an essay in at least 20minutes. 5 minutes needs to be spent at the beginning planning your essay and of course the last 5 minutes should be spent at the end checking your essay. I must also apologise for the use of red. It can be percieved as a very negative color. However, I needed to ensure that my comments were clearly visable for you to see (and to tell you the truth, I am a little slow when it comes to technology. I have never been part of a forum before:) I understand that you are due to take the exam on the 15th of this month, so feel free to send me some more essays:) Also if there are any other questions that you would like to ask me about the exam please feel free.