Konu: Toefl Writing lerinizi Değerlendiriyoruz...

My third essay;

Is the ability to read and write more important today than in the past? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.


People have begun writing from the invention of writing. We can see the examples of these writings in early human remnants, stone carvings, cave walls or the most prominent examples of writings in sagas. Since from early human period, both writing and reading became more important for human beings.

First, we can easily see the importance of reading and writing system in every part of our life. Reading and writing could not find the place for itself easily on people communications, people used to choose to speak with each other in business. But this has changed in time and writing and reading became the crucial thing for the companies. In my company, when I get to my desk I open my computer to check new mails, because I communicate with our customers via email. Using email system gives me lots of opportunities the most important one is, because we choose the writing system, every word we use are recorded and if we have conflict with some cases in the future with my client I can use my e-mail to prove myself.

The second reason for my propensity for believing the reading and writing system is more important than the past is because the printing system is also improved, we can find any written source easily. When I go for a walk in my city I see many book shops around the street, especially in big shopping centers. In the past people were not lucky as we are today, they had to wait for a long time to get a book that they wanted, and so the writing and reading system may not be important for the people compared to us. When I entered a book shop I generally have difficulty to choose a book because there are lots of books; best sellers, story, education and so forth. Due to the fact that the reading and writing system is important for people in the present days, authors are exhorted to write new books so we can find the books easily.

Furthermore, it is important to become a good reader and writer to express ourselves more clearly. In our society, people tend to use speaking to each other on the phone sometimes they use internet system to talk. When we mention Internet I can definitely say that this system is completely build up on writing system. For example, there are lots of social platforms on the Internet such as forums or chat rooms; these all use written language. Nowadays, I have bought a new plasma television system and the distributor told me that he did not know much about that new system so he just opened the package and set the television and went out without giving any technical information. So I entered a forum that I am already a member of and searched the information about who experienced that system before. Surprisingly one of my friend already bought same TV. system and shared his information with me on the forum. I believe that if I could not express myself correctly I would not get help from the forum. This happened because I used the writing system cleverly so the other people understand my problem and gave me the neat solution.

All in all, the reading and writing system is always important for the people. With the changes of the technological and social improvements of the society, the importance of these systems has increased.

This is a much better essay. You are slowly on the road to getting a 4 (but not yet:). Your introduction is still lacking strength. I want you to go back and rewrite it again and again until you are happy with it and then post it here for me to check. Once you have found the introduction that you are happy with try and repeat that structure when writing introductions to other essay questions. There are still a few too many grammatical mistakes, but nothing too serious. Actually there are a few words in your essay that you dont know how to use such as "exhorted", I know these words look good but unless you are 100% sure of how to use them, don't! Finally, try using those transitional phrases that I mentioned in your first essay. Keep up the hard work:)

This essay was marked and commented on courtesy of Just English Language Schools

Thank you for all.

And my second essay.

Do you prefer to eat out or eat at home?

Food preference is so important and mustn't be neglected for a healthy and good life. In the past we used
to eat the meals cooked by our mothers. However, in today's world, there are so many sections to eat
something and the main preferences are eating at home or eating out. Different people can give different
responses from their habits but when it comes to me, I prefer to eat at home rather than to eat out for
following reasons.

First of all, I find the meals prepared in my home more delicious and tasteful. Although a lot of chemical
is used in meal prepared out, in order to make it's taste better, they cannot satisfy that I think. If you
want to cook a tasteful meal, it have to be natural as the first condition. In addition to this, foods
such as fastfood contains a lot of fat and spice and we cannot choose it according to our pleasure.

Secondly, despite the fact that somebody claims that eating outside is better for saving time as if the
main neccesity of a good life is more time, in my opinion health is more important than saving time. Thus,
we have to look for healthier one. I find the meal of my mother healthier of course. She choose the best
quality vegatables, meat and spices for us. As a result, such ingredients of the meal determine the health
level of the meal.

To sum up, everybody may have different choises about eating. Yet, right choise can be a turning point for
their life quality. Therefore, everybody have to look for the best choise and according to my opinion, it
is eating in their house .

Now to begin with, when I compare the two essays you have written I notice that they are on the short side. There are one of two ways you can solve this problem 1) you could elaborate on the examples that you give and 2) you may want to consider a third supporting paragraph. If we take a closer look at your first supporting paragraph (and the second supporting paragraph of your first essay) we can see that you are missing an example. As I have said before "Do not forget to give specific examples to support your reasons. It is stipulated in the question and an essay lacking examples may lose points!" In terms of grammar you have made the same types of mistakes that you have made in the first one. Lets take a look at the conclusion for example; "Therefore, everybody have to look..." This type of mistake I have commented on before in previous essays written by "simemis"; this type of mistake will also lose you a great deal of points, so please take care in the future. Point: low 3

This essay was marked and commented on courtesy of Just English Language Schools

As with most things, writing a good essay takes time and practice (and a lot of it). However, that being said there are a few steps that can help you write the level of essay you are looking for (no matter what level of English your are).

Step One
The first five minutes should be spent planning your essay. I have never seen any student get more than 3 points without having a good plan. Whilst planning remember that there is no such thing as a perfect plan. Write down as many ideas as you can and then decide which ones you can actually use; sometimes the first few ideas that come to mind are not always the the best ideas.

Step Two
You need to practice writing your essay within 20 minutes. To begin with this will be very difficult, but you really need to stay within this time limit even if you haven't completed your essay. You will find that after about 5 practice essays you will be able to write more and more.

Step Three
The last 5 minutes of your time should be spent checking for mistakes. Every mistake that you can correct the better chance you have of getting a better score. Some common errors include:
-The use of some/any/most/many
-The use of articles especially "the"
-The use of either the present perfect+past perfect (especially, when talking about simple past events)
-The use of prepositions (especially with verbs and adjectives)
-The use of plural nouns (Remember in the present simple if we are talking about a general action or event then the noun needs to be plural. I enjoy reading book books)

I hope that you find this useful; but please remember none of the advice that I am giving (and have given) has any meaning if it isn't put into practice. So for those of you who are planning on sending in essays to be marked, please read the other essays I have marked and take note of the points I have made.

Good writing:)

Courtesy of Just English Language Schools. All rights reserved.

This essay was written by a Just English student some time ago, and it is without doubt one of my favorite essays. It is also a good example of what you can do with a lot of practice and time. To begin with the student started her life as a TOEFL student averaging 2 points and finished the course averaging 4 points (she acually got 5 points for this essay). There are many reasons as to why I like this essay; to begin with it is well organized and well balanced. She has argued some good points and balanced them out with good examples (although they are not what I would consider traditional examples. Generally I would advice against the use of academic examples such as surveys and research, but here she has managed to pull it off). It is also obvious that she has corrected many of her the grammatical mistakes and although the structures used may appear on the basic side they are nonetheless used correctly.

People listen to music for different reasons and at different times. Why is music important to many people? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

Over the last 50 years or so, listening to music for different reasons and at different times has become so important for people's lives. People from all over the world listen to different types of music, like rock, pop, jazz. However, listening to music is important to many people for two very different specific reasons

The first reason as to why listening to music is important to many people is that of human health. The listener can create whatever image he or she wants to when listening to music. By listening to music one can start their day and gets the brain flowing in the morning. This is an essential part of life as listening to music in the morning helps you calm down whenever things go wrong in the day. Thousands of people, for example, are treated for cancer each year, and recovering from serious procedures can be painful. However, studies show that music eases the recovery of individuals who have undergone bone marrow transplants to treat cancer. Also, research supports the use of music to modulate heart rate and blood pressure which can relieve stress symptoms in patients with heart disease.

The second reason as to why listening to music is important to many people is that of educating children. Music helps the mind to develop and grow. It is a proven fact that participating in a music program in school will help develop your brain to a higher level and faster than other students. Music actually improves communication between the right and left brain, allowing you to gain better comprehension and memorization skills, for example. Music is science. It is exact and demands accustics. Music is math. It is based on the rythmic subdivisions of time done in a split second. Music is history. The music you hear or play is usually an indication of the time and environment in which it was created. Music is a foreign language. The music is not any language known to man. It is its own language and uses symbols to represent ideas. Most of all, music is art. It is the greatest form of art that allows a human to take boring notes on a page and transform them in to an emotion and feeling you can not measure.

In conclusion as I have illustrated above there are many reasons as to why listening to music is important for peoples lives and that is

Published courtesy of Just English Language Schools

Bir şey sormak istiyorum müsaadenizle. Essay yazarken dikkat etmemiz gereken şeyleri puan kazandırma miktarına bağlı olarak
sıralayacak olsak, nasıl bir liste çıkar karşımıza. Süre daraldığı için(sınav 15 Ocak) seçici olmak daha mantıklı sanki.

-Spesifik örnekler vermek
-Bağlaçlı uzun cümleler kurmak
-Daha akademik kelimeler kullanmak

bunların hangisi üzerinde daha çok durmalı bizim durumumuzdaki bir öğrenci?

Teşekkürler.

Another essay from me. Thanks(I hope, I am correcting my mistakes.)

TOPIC: distance learning and online computer classes should replace classroom learning, agree or disagree?

In today's world, technology provide us a lot of possibility and by using it we can make our life easier. If we are discussing whether distance learning and online computer classes should replace classroom learning, distance learning and online computer should do it for following reasons.

First of all,online computer classes can provide uus a lot of educational advantages. I think most the students don't understand some topics in the lectures and they don't ask any question to their teachers about the point not clear. However, by using online computer classes, lectures can be recorded as a video and watched again after the lecture. Moreover, lecture can be more convenient about timing for students. For example, illness cannot be a reason of missing lectures. Also school times cannot prevent the social activities of the students, thus, it can be beneficial for their social life.

Secondly, distance learning and online classes may provide some economic advantages. A lot of money is spent to struct school buildings and other neccesities of schools. By using the technology, education can be made without any building and existing school buildings can be used for other aims. In addition government mustn't employ so many teachers. One teacher can teach a lecture to all students and also this can satisfy a better quality in education. Because, for instance, my teacher was not as good as the teachers of my friends in primary school. The best quality and equalance can be satisfied with this technology.

To sum up, somebody may claim that classroom learning is better but, the advantages of the distance learning and online classes show us the reality,so it must be applied in every country.

Well to begin with, I think we should focus on your examples. As I have said before an example should be just as strong as the reason given (if not stronger). Keep your reasons brief and straight to the point and stretch out any example that you give. Also, the examples that you have given don't seem to directly support the argument that you have put forward. If I were to take your examples out and give them to someone else to read they would find it very difficult to understand as to what the question was. The following is an example:

"Whilst I was at school, for example, I was unable to attend some of my professors lectures due to illness and because of this I failed a number of exams. If I had attended an on-line course, however, I would have been able to make these lectures up at another time and I would have passed all my exams"

I wouldn't have chosen "illness" as an example,however, because it really doesn't support the reason you gave "being able to chose when you can study". When reading your supporting paragraphs I can see that you have many good ideas. However, you really need to focus on one point at a time. If we look at your first supporting paragraph again, we can see that you have in fact two main reasons that could have been divided up into two separate supporting paragraphs:
1) Being able to go back to lectures that you didnt understand.
2) Enabling students to choose when they can study.

We also have the same problem in your second supporting paragraph:
1) Money doesn't have to be spent on expensive schools/buildings.
2) Don't have to employ so many teachers.

Reviewing the reasons that you have given, I would have decided on three of them and written a 3 supporting paragraph essay. This as you can see is all decided in the planning part of the essay writing process. So the basic plan of your essay would look like this:

Supporting paragraph 1- Being able to go back to lectures that you didn't understand + example

Supporting paragraph 2- Enabling students to choose when they can study + example

Supporting paragraph 3- Money doesn't have to be spent on building expensive schools+ example


Now, all we have to write is the supporting paragraphs. The following is an example template that you could use with essays questions like this:

"The first reason as to why I believe that both on-line and distance learning should replace traditional classroom learning is because it gives the students the opportunity to go back to lectures that they didn't understand or missed out on. My friend, Mustafa, for example, went to a TOEFL preparation course last year and because the lectures were in English (his mother tongue is Turkish), he found that he didn't really understand everything that the teacher said. Unfortunately, he failed his exam shortly after. However, a month later, he found an on-line TOEFL preparation course and because he could go back and replay the lectures again and again, if he didn't understand a point, he was more successful second time round".

Can you see as to how I have really stretched out that example? That is basically what you should be aiming for. Don't forget that in Turkish "YAZMAK" has a number of meanings 1) to write something such as an essay and 2) to make something up such as a story or example:) Before you send your next essay, I really want you to plan your response and think about the examples that you give. Overall, your essay is really beginning to take shape and it wont be long before you start to produce a stronger essay. Score 3 points. Keep up the hard work.

Good writing:)

This essay was marked and commented on courtesy of Just English Language Schools.

Zea selam, 15 ocakta girecekmişin sinava.. nerde gireceksin? bende 15'inde gireceğim Bilge Adam Bakırköy prometrik sınav merkezinde. Başarılar şimdiden

Taksim'de bir dil kursunda gireceğim inşallah. Teşekkür ederim size de başarılar.
(Sizin sınava gireceğiniz yerde dün GRE'ye girdim, ortamı gayet güzel. Beğeneceğinizi umarım.)

I'm so sorry :( I mean that which one is more effective in grading essays?

-giving specific examples
-using long sentences with conjunctions
-using more academic words

I will take the exam on January 15, so I cannot focus on all, and I have to choose one of them and try to correct my mistakes
about that.

Thank you

Hi again, I am trying to write good introduction as you said before.
It is one of my try out, hope you like it.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Playing games is fun only when you win. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Playing game is a part of a social life. We play games in every period of our life; when we are a child, when we are in a school and so forth.We sometimes play for fun, sometimes to earn money. If we do not play the game professionally I do not believe that playing game is fun only when we win. My arguments for this point are listed as follow.

This is a much better, stronger introduction, but you do need to really be careful with your use of grammar. Don't forget that when we use the Present simple to discuss general actions, any nouns that we use tend to be plural. I have rewritten your introduction with corrections. I have also taken out the "and so forth" has it really has no place in this sentence.

Playing games is a big part of our social life and we play them throughout most of our lifes such as when we are children and when we are at school. Sometimes, we play for fun, and sometimes for money. If we do not play games professionally, I do not believe that playing games is fun only when we win. My arguments for these points are as follows.

I will post some advice on writing an introduction later today, so keep an eye out.

Dear Zea, If I were you, I would focus on giving specific examples. The purpose of the independent writing section is to see how you can use the English language. You do not get points for trying to use long sentences with conjunctions or academic words (TOEFL is not an academic exam, it is a level test designed to test all levels of English from elementary to advanced) The raters who mark your exam really wanted to be presented with an essay that they at first understand clearly and then they will look at your use of English grammar and vocabulary. If you look at the example essay that I gave above by an ex-student of mine you will notice that she hasn't used anything overly complicated. She has, however, presented a clear argument using the language that she is comfortable using. If I remember correctly, she in fact got 4 points on the real exam too.

As with all parts of an essay your introductions should follow a particular pattern. You need to follow a pattern that you are comfortable with and it really shouldn't change from essay to essay. The following is a basic formula I use for writing an introduction to such a question (but that's not say it is the only one)

1st sentence: A general statement realsted to the question at hand
2nd sentence: Illustrate the opposing idea
3rd sentence: Contrast this with your opinion

So lets put this into practice by looking at an original question from the exam:

"Parents make the best teachers"

Well this question is obviously asking who is the better teacher for children; their parents or their teachers, so I am going to begin my introduction discussing a childs education in the first sentence and then follow the pattern through to the last sentence. So my introduction may look like this:

"Over the last 30 years or so, children have been attending school at a much younger age due to changes in the education system and social pressures that dictate that both the man and wife have to work. It is due to this that many people believe that teachers are in fact the best educators for our children. However, I totally disagree with this and believe that parents are without doubt the best teachers for a number of reasons".

This information is cruical for me, and I would like thank you again for sharing your knowledge without having gain.
I'll send and essay according to your recommendations, I really want to do what you suggest in my essays. Hope this time I'll make you smile :P