My 4th essay

Many students choose to attend schools or universities outside of their home countries. Why do some students study abroad? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.


In the past, people could not find the chance to be educated outside of their country, this due to many reasons for example, it was not good idea for the people to be educated outside of the country, and also people cannot afford the study abroad. However (dont forget to contrast, over the 30 years or so, with the changes of the social and economic conditions of the families, students find more chance study abroad.

The first reason as to why students want to study abroad is because they want to meet other cultures. In their country students try to learn a foreign language, when they go the abroad they meet the people who live there and this really helps to understand the language that student wants to learn. For instance, my friend and I were in a same high school, our major was foreign language, after we had graduated, my friend decided to go to abroad to carry on studying university, he spent sometimes at there, in a summer holiday we got together and when I saw how he could speak so fluently I was shocked because we tried to learn that language for years but we were not very good, whereas he managed to speak in a little while.

The second reason for my propensity for believing why students choose to go to abroad is because of carrier planning. After a student graduate, he or she apply for a job, students who choose to study abroad believes that if they study abroad this will help them to be chosen by the company, in my opinion this is true belief. In my country there are lots of people who apply for a job also there are many people who graduate from universities, in order to be chosen you have to make a difference in the company’s eye. One of the biggest difference is a student can make; study abroad. Studying abroad is really important to be chosen in job applications in my country.

The last reason why students want to study abroad is they want to gain experience and learn taking some responsibilities. When they live in their country, even if they do not live with their family they do not face some hurdles because their family or their friends always help them. In a foreign country they have to learn how to stay stand, and they have to spend their money more carefully, because there are any people around who will help them. Living in a foreign country will give them precious life experience. When they turn back in their country, these experiences will ease their life.

All in all, as I have illustrated above there are numerous reasons as to why students choose to study abroad. They want to have better life conditions.

Again we have a structurally stronger essay; However, you still have a great number of grammatical mistakes, which are really bringing your score down. The most notable kind of mistake that you are making can be seen in your second supporting paragraph in the second line, which reads:

"After a student graduate, he or she apply for a job, students who choose to study abroad believes that if they study abroad this will help them to be chosen by the company, in my opinion this is true belief."

There are many problems with this sentence. To begin with, we have a problem with the use of the present simple; "student graduate" or "student graduates"? and then you have repeated the same mistake with "he or she apply for a job" which should read "when he or she applies for a job"; You then make the same mistake again when you wrote " students who study abroad believes.." these types of mistakes really stand out and catch the readers attention which is what you don't need. one quick tip would be to keep all the nouns that you use plural then you wont have to think about the verb you are going to use. You then go on to continue with "students who choose.." the subject of which does not fit in with the rest of the sentence because they are singular. Your sentence should read something like this

"After graduating and when students apply for a job, they believe that if they have studied abroad they will have a better chance of being selected by the company; and frankly I agree".

Again you are lacking an example in your last supporting paragraph. I know you think it is an example, but really it isn't. Anything that answers the question WHY is not an example. In terms of vocabulary, what do you mean by "propensity"? Only use vocabulary that you know how to use. Keep your essay basic and clear and you will do much better (yani: artislik yapmanı gerek yok:)